The Disorganization Woman

Today was the day I was going to get organized. Start making a list of networking possibilities. But I haven't done it. I've read the newspapers, Newsweek from cover-to-cover. Went to visit my sister and drank two cups of tea. Visited the Urgent Care for a minor problem and got a prescription. And now the day is almost over.

When you don't have regular work, it's very easy to not have enough time to do it in. Say, WHAT? It's a true statement. Without a structure to one's day, it's easy to waste time. Because there aren't pressing problems to solve, documents to write and meetings to attend, there's nothing to prevent flitting aimlessly along without getting much done. Minor distractions become major trips down paths that branch off endlessly into the day. At the end of the day, one hasn't accomplished much.

I've heard people say that one needs to approach finding a new job like a job. One friend of mine says she actually dressed up every day like she was going out to work and sat at her desk making telephone calls. Now, THAT's self-discipline. It's true she was rewarded with a great job after several weeks at that. I would like to follow that model. Ought to follow that model.

I am afraid of finding a job. There. I said it. After 10 years of setting my own schedule, not wearing dress-up clothes and working at home, the thought of getting up and going to an office every day flat-out terrifies me. I'm afraid that I'm going to be recognized for a fraud. I'm afraid that my skills won't measure up and that my ideas will be found lacking.

Fear is paralyzing and until I find a way to get unparalyzed, I'm afraid I'm doomed to having more days like this.

It's not a pretty prospect.